We present a method of direct patterning of plasmonic nanofeatures on glass that is fast, scalable, tunable, and accessible to a wide range of users-a unique combination in the context of current nanofabrication options for plasmonic devices. These benefits are made possible by the localized heating and subsequent annealing of thin metal films using infrared light from a commercial CO2 laser system. This approach results in patterning times of 30 mm(2)/min with an average cost of $0.10/mm(2). Colloidal Au nanoparticles with diameters between 15 and 40 nm can be formed on glass surfaces with x-y patterning resolutions of similar to 180 mu m. While the higher resolution provided by lithography is essential in many applications, in cases where the spatial patterning resolution threshold is lower, commercial CO2 laser processing can be 30-fold faster and 400-fold less expensive.